Some of my friends have kids who are starting college this fall. That in and of itself is crazy to me. How did I get old enough to have friends with adult children??? One friend’s kid posted a pic of her dorm room on social media and it took me back. Even as I reminisced on my own college experience I wished so many things had been different. This particular young woman is so much more “put together” at 18 than I was. She is healthy emotionally, spiritually and socially. She is athletic, vocal about her faith and smart as all get out. She also has it going on in the fashion
dept. I know all of these things via social media of course and we know that social media does not give the “behind the scenes”. Still, it’s easy to see she has a good head on her shoulders. As I compared my former self with her current self, I felt disappointed that I could not have had it together back then as she seems to now. I know, I know, we are not supposed to compare (especially with social media). But let’s face it, we do. So as I was thinking about those things I was reminded of the fact that I was a “first generation college student” and this young woman was not. My friend who is actually a college professor will be the first to share about the disadvantages of first generation students, particularly minorities. Given my family background and history, it’s pretty much a miracle I not only went to 1 prestigious mid-western school but 2. I didn’t have the ideal 2 parents cheering me on in my academics and guiding me about what to look for in a school or even how to apply. It really was miraculous how things came together for me. So when I realized the disadvantages I had and how God basically offered me so many great experiences in the midst of my own attempts at sabotaging a bright future, instead of feeling disappointed I became grateful.
I was reading in a book last year about God breaking generational curses in the family bloodline in the 4th generation. Yesterday at fellowship this same message was shared. I knew God was reminding me of my calling and what He was doing in me in this season and in my life. I was that 4th generation. So many of the women before me functioned in their false identity, never really reaching their full potential. They were generally distracted and their choices formed strongholds that each woman after them was born into. But one really great thing they did was they tried to make it better for the next generation. There were things that happened in their own lives that they did not want their child to experience, so they made choices to keep their child from that experience. Even if it caused further wounds for the child (which I know it did in some cases), I think God honored their good intentions. I can see my life as a product of Him honoring their good intentions.
I have definitely been a “late bloomer” in so many areas of life. As blessed as my college experience was, I do wish I understood my identity and worth. I wish I had security in who I was and security in the Father’s love. But then I realize, hardly anyone did back in those days. It takes most people time to “get it together”. Usually when they seem to have it together, they are just pretending. Or are just not as in touch with their own brokenness.
I was telling my friend the other day that I am just now able to verbalize some deep wounds I have experienced most of my life. It has taken me 30+ years to be able to understand certain things and express my own feelings about them. Some things take time. Though waiting has been a constant thorn in my side during this walk with Christ I can see the wisdom and value of it. I can see that the Father’s way of working things out of us over long stretches of time causes us to become more patient. It is a supernatural patience. It is a supernatural grace and strength. And as we shared on Sunday, that supernatural waiting upon the Lord enables us to wait, while our enemies become weary and defeated.
I pray you are entering into His supernatural grace to wait upon Him and watch your enemies be defeated.