Sometime last year I needed to go to the DMV and get the Title for my car. As I sat waiting, several people smiled at me. It caught me off guard. I’m not used to people I don’t know being friendly. One person made conversation. And then when my number was called and I missed it another person shared with me that my number had been called. Everyone was being….NICE. As I left the DMV, I felt so weird inside. I knew the Lord was showing me, this is how it is supposed to be. This is a glimpse of heaven.
The Father’s heart was to create people who were always loving, always serving, always trustworthy. But in my personal experience that has not been the case with loved ones, let alone strangers. I realize my own brokenness in this season like never before. I sense my own guard that’s up. The walls that clearly keep those from “the outside” from hurting me. That seems to be the default of my belief system and yet I’m learning that was never the Father’s intent. That was never His heart.
I was talking to a family member recently and she shared about someone complimenting her. The thing is, she took the compliment as an offense. She felt that the person was actually insulting her. That is when I saw how abuse and rejection and pain can skew your perception of others (especially of those who have hurt you in the past). People can demonstrate love to you but because you are so used to pain and hurt you don’t know what love is. So you lash out, or you keep your walls up.
Fear has been an issue for me since childhood and I now understand it is because fear came through the fall of man (hence, it’s an issue for everyone). But even with the blood of Jesus upon my life, fear has been one of my greatest enemies and I have wrestled with it daily, even without knowing it. So after a good 24 hours of wrestling, which led to another sleepless night, I made a call to a trusted source and shared my struggle. She helped me see the fear for what it was and I am working on awakening continuously to the Father’s love. We know that love casts out all fear, but it seems to be a progressive journey for me to manifest this love. To be immersed in it and to offer it to others. My prayer these days is “Lord, help me to not function from fear but from Your perfect love” because I realize my default function has been to be afraid (Gen 3:10). I want my default function to be loved(1 Cor 13).
My heart is to release the Father’s love to this generation. To see them reconnected with their eternal Father. When I watch the news and I see people undergoing intense, traumatic surgeries to change their genders, I see their confusion over their own identity. I see the Father’s original intention, to be a father to humanity, but humanity was deceived, and now believes they are fatherless. I know how it feels to be fatherless. It is an awful feeling. But I also know what it feels like to have my relationship with my father restored. And I know what it feels like to know Elohim as Father. It is an amazing feeling.
It is indescribable.
For man’s reconnection with their Father the guards first have to be let down. That step forward of trust and vulnerability have to happen and that will only happen once people know it is SAFE. Once they know, they are LOVED (unconditionally).
I stand in the gap for this generation, releasing His eternal, unconditional love to them, so they will no longer be confused about their identity and their purpose. So they will no longer undergo traumatic, life changing surgeries to change their genders. I do this even as I work through my own confusion and fear. As I too step forward each day, seeking to experience His eternal, perfect love for me. And manifest my identity in Him.