I struggle with the path of humility in my career. I was listening to a radio program today on lunch and the husband of a couple was discussing his career path. Back in the day he was making half a mill a year. Craziness. The couple had a huge home, 2 kids and were on all accounts living the “American Dream”. Everything in me was listening intently b/c I so desire to be moving forward in my career. I wanted to hear the outcome. I wanted to hear the wisdom he had to share based on his experience. He then shared that he never once asked himself the right question when he was “successful” by the world’s standards. That question was “Where is God in my life?” So I asked myself that question, and the answer came swiftly,
“He is at the center of my life”.
I have no doubt He is at the center of my career, of every aspect of my life. But it still hurts. My heart hurts from the pain of the path of humility. From the pain of waiting and dying to self. The husband on the radio program shared that the following year after making half a million he then made only $14,000. For the whole year. Craziness. He was humbled in the worst way. I guess you just can’t get around it in this life when you are living for Christ. You are either going to be humbled now or humbled later. Your pride is going to be crushed through the waiting or through the tests and trials…or both.
I think about the waiting I experienced in the past in my career and I know that experience is supposed to serve as a testimony to me. That God sees me and will not leave me waiting endlessly forever. Sometimes, most times, it’s hard to believe that when all you feel is pain. But is the pain from the waiting or is it from the dying to self? Maybe the pain is really just from the ego being crushed?
The husband from the program shared that he was not being reflective and focusing on character growth before he was humbled. I know that I am in that season of reflection (hence this blog)…have been in that season. I know that God has chosen my career and my relationship status to humble me and grow me. Even knowing this does not dull the pain. Longsuffering is truly a fruit of the Spirit.
It gets difficult to believe His timing is best. There is something in me (pride) that wonders if His timing is truly best. Maybe it is the “Type-A” in me. I am always so conscious of time. And yet time is not eternal. There is no time in the eternals. Time is something Elohim stretches and bends in the palm of His hand. Time seems so big to me, but it is so small to Him. He is not limited by time.
While listening to the radio program I could take comfort in knowing that I’m doing the hard work now. I’m submitting to the sanctification process now on this end so that hopefully one day I will reap the fruit on the other end. It was really His leading b/c I wanted the fast and easy way. I did not want to wait. I did not want to do the work. But His word promises that if we do not grow weary we shall reap. I look forward to the reaping…