Today I took a much needed break. I stopped my diligent attempt at being productive, left my cube and cried in the public bathroom stall. As the tears began to flow I tried to stop them but gave up and released the anguish from inside. Along with my tears was every negative emotion I had been bottling up inside for some time; grief, depression and fear. I asked for God to hold me, to manifest His arms around me. I asked Him to be my strength where I was weak, because I was feeling oh so weak. In that vulnerable moment I felt His Spirit speak truth to me.
“Nicole, the challenges you are facing will not disappear once the desire of your heart is met. There will be other challenges to take the place of your current difficulties”.
This is not a new word, but a word I continue to forget and one He has to keep reminding me of. So I added on to my prayer “Lord, please give me peace”. And I remembered a word I had heard preached around Thanksgiving last year. The pastor shared Philippians 4:6:
“Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus”.
The pastor shared that God gives us peace in place of what we ask for, because that is the true need. That is the gift that will eternally satisfy us and fulfill us. Not the natural item we believe we are in need of.
The truth is, I need peace and I need endurance and maturity in my character. These are qualities that will aid me in overcoming any test or trial I will encounter once the desire of my heart is met. God will intentionally create our life circumstances so that we will fall on our knees and cry out to Him. Or in my case, find a bathroom stall.
Life will always have its difficulties, but not unnecessarily so. Christ will use our weaknesses to show us that He is strong in the very areas we are weak in. I do believe, He creates our individual lives so that we are constantly dependent on Him and not on ourselves.
Once I admitted my weakness I did receive His peace. My heart was lighter. I felt His comfort. Even though my circumstances haven’t changed, I have encouragement and peace to know that He is walking life out with me and that I will overcome because of His strength and not my own.