This season has been full of high highs and low lows. Similar to Dicken’s “A Tale of Two Cities” I can see the best and worst. I can see both the light and the dark. They somehow coexist. The beauty is that Christ is the same, no matter how tumultuous life gets. He peaks at me through the people who love me, through their desire to connect with me. He hides behind the open doors I know only He has the power to unlock. I glimpse Him but He does not bombard me with His heart and presence and power the way He has in the past. The way I was so used to. No, He is maturing me. Have you ever had a season like that? Where you are being matured but you don’t really want to be? He is developing the weak things in me…
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees…
My roommate moved in last week! She is such a blessing. I know she is one of the many gifts the Father has given me in this season. Her smile, her laugh, they are life. It’s amazing how similar we are in temperament. It’s amazing we met through this little blog. God is an amazing connector!
I got to have dinner with an old friend. She wanted to buy my book and actually bought 2. She said she could have bought it a year ago but she needed it now. God is using it in her healing. I am blessed. The next day I met a woman at a friend’s party. She bought my book too. God keeps selling them…
He is near, even when I can’t feel Him. He protects me when my heart is in anguish. When I’m sitting next to someone who was at one time the fabric of my life, my being, and yet we do not utter a word. We are like two passersby, when once we were like Siamese twins. I know the separation had to happen and I’m glad it did. Still, some things in life are not easy to recover from.
I just received my manuscript back from my editor! I began reviewing the changes last night, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea in my hand and my roomie not too far away. I love this season. I love Fall. I look forward to seeing how the Father will manifest His will in this new year of Rosh Shoshanna…
I really like this song right now..
I sat across from them in their living room, cup of tea in hand, and spilled out my story. I told them I had been laid off 5 months prior and although I had a seasonal job, I had yet to lock in longterm employment. I told them that even though the company I worked for had struggled for 3 years, I didn’t see the layoff coming. But even though it was unexpected, it was still a blessing. I shared all the stuff I had not wanted to share with them because I didnt want them to worry. They were my landlords and I wanted them to be secure in receiving rent. But now I had to come clean because my savings was dwindling, I had no job prospects and the tax season was coming to an end. I had a little over a month and my lease would end. I wanted to let them know I wouldn’t be renewing if nothing changed.
So I sat there with this couple who has been in my life these 4 years. They came to my book release party, purchased multiple books, came to my end of the year gathering and supported many of my endevors. It didn’t dawn on me I had made it into their hearts. It didn’t dawn on me they deeply cared for me.
But when I shared about my unemployment their care became quickly evident. The wife shared about her own recent layoff and the husband, well, he offerred me a job. He explained he’d been looking for an assistant, someone to help him get his books in order and my skill set qualified me for the position.
So while it took courage for me to have that conversation and I was battling fear on my way to have it, it was proven to me that once again fear is the lie.
I met with him and we laid out our resumes. Who did I have before me? I marveled at his accomplishments. You never know who’s in your circle of connections.
The very thing I had been waiting on this whole time was right in front of me. But I had to change to see it. The process I’ve been in these 5 months has been so necessary to go through. There were so many toxic and unhealthy mindets I needed to be purged from. A very large toxin was fear. Even now I still practice overcoming it, but the greatest deliverance has already taken place.
The thing about fear is it seems so real. But its not. God is real. And love is real. And if you’re bold enough to push through the fear you just may find your blessing is right downstairs.