I could hear the sadness in her silence on the other end of the phone. I gripped it nearer to my ear, thinking that the Uber driver could probably hear my end of the conversation, but feeling too distraught to really care.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she finally answered, and I felt the tears prick my eyelids. I had just shared with my friend/spiritual mentor/family of several years that I would have to have surgery. This is something I was praying against. Something my community was praying against. But God was going to have me walk a different path than we were praying for.
In my younger years, I sometimes would pray according to my own desire, or according to how I thought something should work out. I didn’t do this on purpose, it was just my own lack of understanding. I also was unaware of the tendency to control that was functioning in me.
Am I alone in this?
But these days, I am more sensitive to the Father doing things a different way than I may want. And so, while praying for a healing without surgery, I was still open to Him choosing this option, knowing that His ways are higher than my own.
You guys have been on this journey with me, and so, while social media often shows the highlights, I’m grateful for this little blog to fill in the gap of everything in between.
I was hurt when hearing this news you guys. I was hurt in hearing that the damage I had done to my foot would require surgery and a longer recovery period than what I had already been experiencing. Anxiety rushes me whenever I think about the days/weeks/months ahead where I will be unable to physically provide for myself and my home. When thinking about the experience of continuously leaning on others and not having the independence I am used to.
Who will take care of me? How will my mental health fare? These are the thoughts that surround my mind continuously.
But even as I was hurt and struggling with my fears, I knew that God was with me.Tweet
Throughout this whole process He has been faithful to keep encouraging me that I will pull through. He has provided His body over and over again in meeting my various physical and emotional needs. I know that He has promised me a positive outcome, full of complete restoration and healing, it is just the process of getting there, and this is what I shared with my friend/mentor.
“I know that God is going to heal me. I just didn’t know the process I would be called to walk through for that healing. Now I know the process,” I responded on the phone to her.
“Yes. I guess that is true in all things,” she replied.
Do you relate? Can you look back on your spiritual journey and see what processes God has walked you through? I know I can. I am reminded of the time period after my first job after college ended. I fully expected to smoothly transition into my second job. I was so excited (and a little haughty) because I had an advantage over the other new hires since I had been working the same position as an actual manager at my old job. But the joke was on me because my old job tried to sabotage my new job by sharing a noncompete agreement that I had signed. I ended up being on hold for two whole months exactly before I could work for the new company! During that two-month period I was wracked with anxiety. So much so, that my own hair fell out! But God gave me a word that He would fight for me, and fight He did because I ended up working for that company for almost 9 years. (Won’t He do it!) The thing is, I was the reason for the hold up. I had signed the noncompete without understanding it, and I had let my old employer know that I was working for my new employer (their previous client). 22-year-old Nicole did not have wisdom, and that was surely a learning experience for me!
Similarly with this foot, I realize that I am the cause for my delayed healing. I did not go to the doctor immediately. I did not tend to my injury the way that I should have. Instead, I pushed my body, and now I am reaping the consequence. Still, I know that even with my own faults God has proven that He is gracious and merciful to work all things for my good. He does not condemn us when we fall short. Instead, He uses these experiences as opportunities to teach us and grow us into who we are called to be. He is such a good Father.
During that two-month period, while waiting to work at my new position, I grew a lot spiritually. I learned to trust God in the process. I learned to wait on Him. And I learned that He is faithful to do exactly what He says He will do, even when it looks otherwise.
What has been your experience with falling short and seeing the forgiveness and mercy of God in your life? What lessons have you learned from your short comings? How were you able to grow spiritually from them?
In other news, did you know that I have a monthly newsletter? You can email me if you would like to receive it, or sign up on my website! Just click on “Blog”, go to any blog post, then scroll down until you see “Join Our Newsletter”! I share all of my updates on events I am selling books at and the latest happenings in authorship! You can also view the latest newsletter on my linktree.
Are you on Instagram? If so, please reach out! I have started a series called “Word of the Day Wednesdays” where I share 5-10 minutes worth of nuggets that are on my heart, which I hope are encouraging to others on IGTV Live! I have these also posted on my Youtube channel in addition to my Instagram Page.
Have you read “Stories for the Urban Soul” and are eager to dialogue about your favorite characters, lessons learned, and so much more? Well, now you can download 20 Dialogue questions available on my website to discuss with your friends! Just enter your email in the pop up box and its there!
This month, every Monday in October, I will be hosting a series on IGTV Live called “Meet the Characters” where I will break down each character from “Urban Stories” and what went into writing their story. This synopsis will piggyback off of the segment at the end of “Stories for the (Urban) Soul” called “Lessons from the Characters”. I would love for you to join! See below for details: