This weekend I felt the desire to be around people. That was such a vulnerable place for me. I pride myself on being self-sufficient and independent. Most only children are probably used to being alone. I even more so as I experienced periods of time in my childhood when there were simply no friends. No people. So I hid in my books and grew closer to my best friend at the time–my grandmother. That was a way that I coped with not getting needs met. When I became a believer one of the gifts God gave me were real friends. People who loved unconditionally and who stuck by me no matter what. But there is a season for everything and some of those friendships have ended. Still, I am surrounded with community and people close to me who I do life with. This weekend when I felt in need of people I could very easily have reached out to any of these people that make up my community. But it wasn’t just a person or persons I was desiring. It was a specific kind of community I was desiring.
It was family.
I’m in a season now of going back to the beginning and I’m learning how vital it is to be born into this world surrounded by love and acceptance. But really how often does that happen? And even if we are born into affirmation of purpose and identity, that does not mean we will be raised with these assurances. Most people experience a breakdown in their family structure due to life. Some have even more extreme circumstances then others. Whatever the circumstance, our personality and life decisions are influenced by the environment we are raised in. God knows this and still uses all things to work together for our good.
I often think of Moses who was given up by his family for his own good. And then somewhere down the line he reconnected to his people. He was used to deliver them b/c he had been separated from them and his separation led to his own freedom. And theirs. I can relate to that story in a lot of ways.
I was blessed to connect with family this weekend. It wasn’t my blood family but they are so saturated with love that they don’t make a difference. There is a scripture that says God will set the solitaire in families. I will be honest and say I have despised that scripture. Often He has put me in others’ families but I have so desired a family of my own. But then I remembered, no person can complete me. No person can fulfill me. No person can meet all of my needs. Even if I had my own family, they would not be able to fill this hole I feel in my heart. Instead, they would just be there to enjoy, just as I am enjoying this community of people God has placed in my life in this season.
Maybe one day, when that hole is filled, there will be others I can call my blood family.
After reading the whole message, I now understand better where your feelings are coming from and I pray that your everyday journey will eventually get you some of your wants and blessings that God has for you. Understand that He wants you in the right relationship with the right person to grow your future family which will keep you from wishing you had not gotten into the wrong relationship just to fulfill what you thought you wanted or what you feel others have that you don’t have, life is about choices good or bad but at the age you are now, you have had insight to see into a lot of peoples lives to help you decide what you may want or don’t want. And the best resource you have is God and He will provide your wants and needs when the time is right or you may have to find out later that God has something better than you can imagine for your life. So keep living and doing what you can for yourself which is a blessings and wait on his direction to be content in whatever state you may find yourself in today, tomorrow is not promised but it is okay to still have dreams, ambitions and wait upon the Lord to order and direct your footsteps in time. Hold on to God’s unchanging hand for your future. It is never too late when God responses, we have to be patient which is hard to do many times and then we have to call on God to get us out of some mess that we created by not waiting. Life is a journey of making good and bad choices but in the end when we grow up to do better because of the lessons we learned, we will appreciate where we are in our daily walk. Yes, we all may give good or bad advice to one another but with God’s leading, it will work out better than we expected so keep giving God your heart and your desires, keep talking to Him and wait I say on the Lord and in the meantime – keep taking one day at a time which is my model along with asking God to continue to order my steps and learning more about his love for me and others in the journey called life. I love you amongst many others and your dear grandmother will always be with you in your heart.