There is one word on my heart today. It is “purpose”. I walk down the same aisles in the same building I have walked down for 8 years. I sit in the same cubicle, turn on the same screen, and follow my same routine. “Purpose”. What is my purpose? How do I find purpose in the routine? In the mundane? In the cubicle? I know I am challenged by the Creator to do this as He is clearly the one ordering my steps.
I read an amazing article last night, hidden in the pages of my latest issue of Vogue magazine. While I fully expected to be lost in high fashion, stealing ideas of fall trends, instead I was touched and educated by the story of one woman. This woman was only 30-years-old and yet had traveled to a variety of countries to tend to those in need in her short adult life. The organization she is a part of is a relief organization and her skills at being a nurse were used daily. She shares about being in Haiti in 2010 and rocking a premature baby in her arms as the child takes its last breath. Her life is filled with stories like these. She has LIVED. I’m not sure that woman knows God, but she is surely walking in purpose.
I read a blog post today about another world traveler. She beautifully captured the tension of needing to stay but wanting to leave. It is true, we simply cannot have the best of both worlds. We cannot have the appetite for excitement and travel fulfilled and the safety and security the cubicle offers. But still, we yearn.
Ten years ago I had great dreams of traveling. I had great desires to be on the go much like that 30-year old-woman, losing myself in meeting the needs of others. That was how I thought I could best please my Maker. Instead, He asked me to stay.
Staying is brave. Responsibility and dependability can be brave.
Boring. But brave.
You know what’s funny? At one point in life I really wanted this cubicle. My heart yearned for it. Now it takes everything in me to keep from tears when I realize that though the season is shifting it is not really changing. I am called to continue in the staying.
I am called to continue being still. Psalm 46:10…
I think about my ancestors. The ones oppressed by slavery. I think about how they sang in the fields to get through the day. I think about how they acquired faith b/c the present was so horrendous they needed to believe that one day their suffering would end and they would have a better life. I think about how they sang songs and gave each other hope even in their oppression b/c they needed purpose. We all need purpose. Even those in the sex trade. Even children being used for child labor. Even Haitians who suffer from a 90% unemployment rate.
Maybe one day my staying will be used for something greater like the 30-year-old woman in Vogue. Even now, maybe it is cultivating empathy in me to identify with those less fortunate.
Only the Maker knows. But one day, I will know too.
I will finally know why He asked me to stay.