God’s ways and paths are so different for each of His children. For some they have their families to demonstrate His unconditional love and acceptance as soon as they leave the womb. Whereas others are born into brokenness. For the latter, their families may have the best intentions of the world but life has dealt a series of hard hands and survival mode takes over. God’s love gets buried in the lies of the enemy and the unmet needs of the child. But still, He finds a way to reveal Himself, using the brokenness. For me, He has used both family and others to reveal Himself but only after the loss and pain of brokenness. And then ofcourse the brokenness is weaved in and out of the love and acceptance of others, creating a delicate pattern of rejection, acceptance, loss and love. An assortment of feelings and emotions all tangled w/in the confines of one soul. As I get older I become more aware of the assortment and realize that as much as I want it to be, the black and white of youth is no longer realistic and life is full of shades of grey. As much as I struggle in the in-between, I know there is beauty in the shades of grey. There is opportunity and growth in the shades of grey. People are not boxed in to be the immature flawed beings that usually accompany the youth. No. They are allowed to become better versions of themselves. They are allowed to flourish and advance into the beautiful butterflies that were lurking beneath the confines of their cocoons.
That is what I was able to witness this weekend when my best friend of 13 years paid a visit. She is one of those people the Father has put in my life to display His unconditional love. She is someone I have been allowed to grow up with on this spiritual journey even though for the most part there has been a large physical distance between us. We made a lot of mistakes over the years. Our naiveté and lack of wisdom was intertwined with our love and joy of each other. But God saw it all, and designated that for such a time as this He would do a new thing. A better thing. He would use the shortcomings and teach us a better way.
We are all a work in progress as much as I dislike admitting that. As much as I desire perfection, I know w/o a doubt it simply does not exist. I am unable to check off my checklist even though I unconsciously try to every day. I’m faced with the reality that life is not about being perfect. Instead, it is about being like Him. Displaying His attributes of love, peace, lowliness, etc… Only He has that perfect balance of grace and truth. And as I continue walking forward, discovering more of Him in my life, I will unknowingly display that perfect balance. I will unknowingly become the best version of myself.
So instead of aiming for perfection, I’m learning to aim for love. Instead of doing, I aim for being. And then I can finally rest in the gifts He has given me in this season. I can receive what He has been trying to offer me these 13 years. I can receive His unconditional love and acceptance through people like her.