The other day my friend and I were discussing relationships. We are learning so much about being a healthy individual first in order to have a healthy marriage. For so long we did not understand why we are waiting. Now we are so thankful for the wait. We are seeing our own issues. Our own dysfunction. And we have chosen to work on them NOW.
I got to talk to my landlord that same day. She purchased 3 more copies of my book (that would be a total of 4, thank You Lord) and shared with me her own story. She did not get married until age 54. My mouth nearly dropped. She shared she felt the main reason she needed to wait that long was so that her husband would not be an idol. So that she would not “lose” herself. I shared my own struggle with idolatry and learning my identity in this season. It’s one thing to be told “marriage does not fulfill you, you need to be a whole person first, a man is not perfect and you will work HARD in your marriage”. It is quite another to walk out that truth when you are single. When your thoughts and feelings are screaming the contrary.
My landlord shared how great my book release party was. She said in her day women were more oppressed and did not have a voice. This generation decides to get degrees and travel and write books and throw parties. To be fabulous. She is right. I shared as a single woman who does not have children I have to choose to celebrate the milestones that I can. I have to choose to celebrate the life God has chosen for me because my culture will discourage me and make me feel I have nothing to celebrate. The church will do the same.
My landlord shared the drawback of waiting is that she was unable to have children. That was a desire she and her hubby had but has gone unfulfilled. I count that as the cost of living for Him. God’s plan can be so very different then our own and our sacrifices can be oh so painful. But I wholeheartedly believe we do have an eternal reward from our obedience.
I was recently struggling with some identity issues and felt the Lord’s response,
“Nicole, you have overcome those struggles. I nailed them to the cross when I died for you. Do not define yourself by your weakness but by My strength and My word over you”.
I was reminded of recovering alcoholics who attend AA meetings. At the meetings they introduce themselves as “recovering alcoholics”. The 12 step program does great things for people. It provides them with a support group and outlet. Its a safe place. However there is good, better and best. It’s a good thing to not drink and go to AA meetings as opposed to being an alcoholic. It is better to no longer identify yourself by your weakness, i.e.as a recovering alcoholic. It is a better thing to not have a dependency on a program your whole life but have those deeper rooted issues of neediness and unhealthy dependencies exposed and healed.
In this season He is taking me higher. He is helping me to see with an eternal perspective. That includes seeing my personhood. I have overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. My testimony is being manifested each day of my earthly journey. But it was already finished on the cross.