I held my IPhone 6 at a distance and spoke into the earbuds that were connected. I rarely hold the handset to my ear out of pure laziness and will usually have it on speaker. If I’m mobile while talking (or being extra lazy) I’ll use the earbuds. I sat on the comfy brown sofa in my living room and folded my legs, one over the other like a teenager while the voice on the other end replied. It belonged to my mom. We talked about the misguided notions of life that 20-somethings tend to have. We agreed, there is just something about being young that makes you prideful. You think you know everything and yet you know very little. You think your choices are better than your elders. That somehow even though you are going down the same path that led them to destruction, your story will end differently. I remember my grandmother telling me that the guy I was in love with was not a good choice. I didn’t listen. I thought I knew better than her. I thought my story with that man would turn out differently then her experience. It didn’t. She was right, I was wrong. But it took me years of pain to come to this conclusion simply because I did not heed the voice of wisdom through my grandmother.
It was nice to be able to speak with my mom, woman-to-woman. To finally be in a place where I myself have gained some wisdom through life experiences. Where I myself am able to see what pride often deceives the youth from seeing: that life is not perfect.
Life is not perfect, people are not perfect, and nothing is easy.
For years I thought that knowing Christ meant I was exempt from imperfection and entitled to perfection. I thought I was exempt from certain hardships. That I was exempt from the failures my elders succumbed to. Again, I was wrong.
And while it’s true I wasn’t exempt, I was in a better position to learn from those failures and even avoid some things because to know Christ is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 1:7). But that doesn’t mean that just because you are saved you have wisdom. No. In my experience wisdom has come forth through a daily decision to choose to follow His way. When we lean to our own understanding and choose our own way, that is when we are separated from wisdom (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Still, I’m transitioning from the folly of my 20s to the maturity of my 30s. I have to resist the urge to not “zone out” from certain info my mom shares that I think is misguided or irrelevant. I remind myself, she has wisdom, simply b/c she has more life experience. And I “tune in” again on our phone conversation.
I was listening to a podcast today on relationships and choosing “the one”. It was full of wisdom. Is there really a “one”? That is debatable. But what I think is important in noting is that even if you receive “God’s choice” or “the one” that does not mean perfection. That does not mean easy. That does not even mean a healthy, lasting marriage. We live in a fallen world. There is dysfunction. There is divorce.
For so long I thought God would just bring me this man. The man would come in a package of everything I was supposed to have and voila, we would do life together and all would be well. I had a very naïve and immature view. What I’m learning now is that yes, God has a choice for me (He has given me that word however I think He operates uniquely with each of His children so seek His will for you concerning this) however He does not want me to just mindlessly agree with that choice. No, He wants me to participate in that choice by learning the qualities and characteristics of a healthy spouse. That participation also includes me becoming a healthy and whole single person. After all, we cannot desire to have what we are not ourselves.
Wisdom is to understand that faith without works is dead. To have faith that God will bring you the right spouse for you can be naïve & misleading if you do not understand the works component which includes learning what is needed for a healthy marriage.
My mom and I talked about these things. She is praying for a healthy man for me (gotta love moms). That he will love me as Christ loves the church. She and I have grown so much in our understanding of how to pray. I’m so grateful for the wisdom Christ is giving us both as we keep moving forward, discovering His plan for me in this area of my life.
20 Wisdom calls aloud outside
She raises her voice in the open squares.
21 She cries out in the chief concourses
At the openings of the gates in the city
She speaks her words:
22 “How long, you simple ones, will you love simplicity?
For scorners delight in their scorning
And fools hate knowledge.
23 Turn at my rebuke
Surely I will pour out my spirit on you
I will make my words known to you.
24 Because I have called and you refused
I have stretched out my hand and no one regarded
25 Because you disdained all my counsel,
And would have none of my rebuke,
26 I also will laugh at your calamity;
I will mock when your terror comes,
27 When your terror comes like a storm,
And your destruction comes like a whirlwind,
When distress and anguish come upon you.
28 “Then they will call on me, but I will not answer
They will seek me diligently, but they will not find me.
29 Because they hated knowledge
And did not choose the fear of the Lord
30 They would have none of my counsel
And despised my every rebuke.
31 Therefore they shall eat the fruit of their own way
And be filled to the full with their own fancies.
32 For the turning away of the simple will slay them
And the complacency of fools will destroy them;
33 But whoever listens to me will dwell safely,
And will be secure, without fear of evil.”
And just incase you are interested, check out the podcast “Picking A Spouse And Other Marriage Advise”.