This New Year’s my friend from Haiti flew all the way to the States just for me. Okay, okay, she saw her family first. And of course visited with other friends. But that was just to cover up the fact that I was her real reason for visiting 😉. I usually bring in the New Year with friends, and not even really intentionally. It is just something that has happened over the years. This year, I had no real plans. I was just going with the flow. So when she suggested visiting, I was open. I had no idea how important it would be to have her with me as the calendar year changed from 2014 to 2015.
We visited a church gathering I had been invited to and she of course knew people there, though she had never visited any of these churches. She is that much of a social butterfly. We then made our way to her friend’s who also led us to a neighbor’s. I was pretty much surrounded by strangers as we rang in the new year, but that really didn’t matter, because she was there.
Being over 30 and single I have had to let go of a lot of false expectations. I live daily with unmet desires. And though the truths I have been learning from this season have come from much pain, I’m so grateful for the wisdom gained. I realize how important community is in this season. I was spoiled for nearly 10 years to share my life with someone. To have them by my side no matter what. That season ended. So now I’m leaning on the Lord in deeper ways. Ways I was too afraid to trust Him with, but now have no other choice. He is also helping me to lean on community too. It’s easy to focus on what you don’t have, whether you are single or married, a parent or not. I now see that the culture will go out of its way to make me feel “behind” and “lesser than” because I have not achieved “x” amount of milestones.
The church will do the same.
So it is up to me to be intentional about having a plan in place during those emotional times of the year when its easy to throw a pity party for one. It is up to you too. I encourage you, to pre-plan for the holidays or for the wedding invites, or the baby showers. What is self-pity really going to do for you but cause you grief and distort your view of God’s goodness in your life? I am not that close to blood relatives, but God has saw fit to surround me with good people in the body of Christ. If you do not have a blood family to lean on, pray for a spiritual one.
On New Year’s Eve we watched the ball drop on tv. and couple after couple sealed their new beginning with a New Year’s kiss. My friend and I had no one to kiss and I felt some kind of way about that. But I reminded myself, many of these couple’s may not last past the New Year and God is storing up something for us that will last eternally, because it will be built on a solid foundation: His will.
Christmas Eve I sat in my house, drank red wine (my favorite), ate cookie dough and watched movies. For the first time in 7 years I was not sad. I did not feel like I deserved to have a family to spend the holidays with. I realized I was only deserving of damnation, but instead God gave me grace (selah). Grace to have more than enough for what I needed in this season. There will be times we won’t have community available. There will be times that even though we try and try to plan, no plans work out and we find ourselves alone.
I am still walking out this season. I am still coming into understanding God’s ways and purposes in my life. But I can say that whether we are alone or in community, it is all working for our good. It is all coming together for our story and for His glory.
Here’s to a year of growing even more in Him 🙂