The definition of efficiency: Able to accomplish something with the least waste of time and effort; competency in performance.
Efficiency, had you asked me prior to today, is one of my greatest strengths. To get things done. To accomplish. Make things happen. Then why did I receive 3 different messages from 3 different sources encouraging me (and all others who read those same materials) to not be a time waster today? Specifically to not waste singleness?
“Surely they are not speaking to me???” I thought while reading the first article. “Of course she is talking to someone else”, I said while reading the second. But the 3rd? Am I really going to try to dodge this word that just keeps coming to me? So I’m thinking maybe God is trying to tell me something.
Am I wasting my singleness Jesus? Don’t I thoroughly appreciate my “down time” and “me time” and “bubble bath time”? Haven’t I accomplished so much in these 9 years? Haven’t I done more than the average single, let alone person? (Like how I asked Him a question then set out to answer it? SMH). And even as I write this blog post I don’t fully agree that the messages of the articles really pertain to me. I don’t fully see. But I want to be humble and teachable enough to broach the topic and receive truth. I think in His response Christ would probably say something to the effect of “Wasting time is not just in regards to not performing tasks. It is also in relation to not fulfilling assignments with regards to building relationships with people”. Now that would be a serious area of time wasting for me if He was saying that, and let’s pretend for a second that He is.
The thing about time, is that I have had too much of it if you ask me. God has always poured out ample time in my life in various areas. When I hear others talk about their busyness and being over extended or not having enough time, I simply cannot relate. I will go through seasons of busyness, but generally will always be brought back to a place of waiting (sometimes there is even waiting in my busyness). So it is difficult for me to embrace the waiting. To embrace having time. Because for the most part, I want to get rid of it. Now, that being said, as stated earlier, I feel I have used my time to accomplish some great things. But I recognize that I spend too much time worrying about the future. Analyzing and rethinking my future. Trying to get to the next season of life which hopefully will not involve more waiting (but probably will based on my history with Christ). So I question, how does one not worry when time seems to be endlessly, agonizingly, standing still? When faced with this question, I did initially make an attempt at changing my behavior. I did for a split second feel that I could flip the “off” switch to worry and just stop. But I caught myself. That is a works, performance-based solution and that is not God’s way. Instead, He led me to pray, “Lord, help me to not be a time waster”.
There, that’s better. I give Him the burden to do this work in me. Even though I still can’t fully embrace this whole time wasting thing, I can’t deny that I have spent too much time being self-centered, selfish, and all about “me”. When I could have been worshipping, praying for others, or building relationships with others.
So, hopefully I will grow in this area. Because if God measures efficiency by the quality of relationships built with others (which is what I feel He revealed in this blog post) and not just the number of tasks that I have accomplished these 9 years, well then, I will need to grow. And it will be Him to do this work in me. Because apparently efficiency is not the strength in my character I thought it was. It is actually a weakness.