She walks with an element of confidence that is undeniable. So focused on her mission she hardly notices the stares of her admirers. Even still, she can feel them as she makes her way in 3 inch heels, pencil skirt and killer smile to her ultimate destination: success in life. Accessories of scarves, bracelets and womanly cologne accentuate the vibe she’s giving off. This girl is IT. She’s got something going for her; and she knows it. Not in the snobby, conceited, selfish way that celebs often do. But in the way, that, well, her Father taught her.
I always wanted to be “that” girl. You know, the one that seems to just have it together. I had friends who were “that” girl. With their designer bags, flashy phones and innate sense of style. They just knew they belonged, and if you told them they didn’t, well, screw you. But I was hardly that girl. Too many rejection issues. Too many spoon-fulls of low self-esteem for breakfast lunch and dinner which resulted in excessive weight gain. I couldn’t be comfortable in my own skin until my weight was lower. Problem was I was making myself sick to achieve that desired weight. And the inside of me was still insecure, still lacking confidence. So I tried covering up my lack of acceptance with false relationships/friendships/ and an over achiever mentality.
It’s taken me a while to get used to the fact that, I have “it” now. Self-confidence. I have to remind myself that the reason people are staring is because they see something they never saw before. Something I never saw before. But Christ always saw it. And in this season He has revealed it.
The word transformation can hardly do it justice but is the only verbiage I can think of to describe this process. He has done it from the inside out. Revealed beauty from the inside out. And it makes me smile when I think of it. Cuz who knew Jesus had swag? And who knew He cared that I should have it? He’s an amazing artist.
My BFF of 10+ years sat across from me as we did what grown people do, sip on drinks and talk til 2am. “You’re a woman now”, she said with all the emphasis on woman. She’s known me since I was a teen. She’s seen the transformation. “I know!” I responded. “How did that happen?” I said, voicing my thoughts out loud.
It’s pretty cool to be a woman now. It’s pretty cool to have my stuff together. My expectations for myself and life can be too high. I can get so caught up in what is not that I fail to see that I’ve accomplished more than the average. I guess the problem was that I never wanted to be just average. I was always told from the womb that I would be more than average. I guess I got so caught up in those high ideals that I missed the fact that I had done just that. That God had done just that. When I wasn’t watching. When I wasn’t paying attention. He started getting me together. From the inside out. He gave me the hook up. Master P has nothing on Jesus.
I’m really grateful to have a Father who cares about the whole package. And makes it His job to complete the work He started. From the inside out.