I made a confession to someone other than myself yesterday about some things that were heavy on my heart. I confessed that I was struggling with my purpose. I know enough to know that one’s sense of purpose is related to one’s sense of value. And one’s sense of value is usually defined by those things they hold valuable; even if those valuables are only temporary.
Early on in the Bible we can see that God cursed Eve after she sinned. Interestingly, He cursed her by making “her desire to be for her husband”. So He cursed her in a relational sense. This may be why it seems women tend to define themselves by their relationships. Even so, I do believe women reflected this aspect of God’s image pre “the fall”. He is relational in and of Himself as displayed in the Trinity.
Covenant means everything to Him.
God made it clear to me early in my walk with Him that there were a few things that I constantly used to define myself. In typical God fashion He of course exposed those things by stripping them away from me, usually one at a time, but sometimes all at once. Relationships were among the items He brought to my attention…my career was another.
The few times I have been without a job nearly drove me insane. I am a hard worker at heart and come from a long line of hard-working, driven, independent women. But I am not satisfied with simply working. Simply working is the equivalent of simply existing.
I do not want to just exist…I want to live.
Living to me means waking up everyday and contributing creative, innovative, fresh ideas, to the workforce and helping to implement and execute those ideas for the betterment of the company. (I know, I know, spoken like a true MBA). True living, at least in a professional sense, is inclusive of doing work that causes me to flourish and grow continually, enhancing myself as well as my skills.
Thankfully, the person I was sharing my heart with can relate. She knows corporate. She did corporate for nearly 10 years even though her heart belonged to a totally different field. And even though God promised her that He would move her into that field, she did corporate for years until that promise was fulfilled. She has walked with me through my struggle in my career just as I’ve walked with her. She understands my fire and ambition that is tamed everyday while sitting in a cube of which I am over qualified for, and succumbing to poor leadership. And so she was able to speak into me because of her anointing in fulfilling her assignment in corporate. She was able to remind me that God is faithful. That He knows the desire of my heart. She was able to remind me that I am in my current position for an eternal purpose and even though I am not “living” during working hours, I am “living” outside of them.
God has given me other outlets to flourish in in this season. He has planted people in my life to bring me joy and uplift me during those rough times. He is even raising up some godly men in my life which is much needed. There was a season where I felt safely protected by brothers; godly men who viewed me as a sister and nothing more. Men I could receive healthy affirmation from. But those men were removed and there was nothing to replace them. It’s pretty typical for there to be a lack of strong, godly men in the body of Christ. Unfortunately, women and children out number men hands down. But once again I am starting to see those of the male persuasion whom God has placed in my life that truly care about me.
So in this season, although my purpose is still unclear and I don’t really have any expectation for what lies ahead, for fear of disappointment, I can see that what my friend was saying is true. That whatever my purpose is, it cannot be contained within the three walls of a cubicle…
it must be so great that it spills over the high walls of the corporate building, into the outside world, for all to see.