Plenty of Fish…


I had a really good and refreshing conversation with a brother in Christ the other day about relationships. Not the awkward kind where you kind of like the person and so you’re really picking their brain to see how they feel about you. No ulterior motive, just pure curiosity. And what I learned from this brother was enlightening. Here he is, a single, established, educated, good man (not sure of his relationship status, but by single I mean he is not married). He was transparent in his own self assessment and growth journey with women and I truly appreciated his nuggets of wisdom.

From his perspective good men like himself are overlooked. It seems men like himself are often passed by for men with better cars, better looks, and better salaries. If they’re the quiet type, the less outgoing type, and not the athletic type, they can fade into the background. Wow! To say that I was shocked by his view is an understatement. Growing up with just me and my mom and no male role models, I have no clue what men struggle with. Especially in this season where I am surrounded by women, all I know are women’s issues. So our conversation got me thinking. Are there really plenty of fish in the sea and I’m only swimming in a secluded area which is causing me to miss out on the rest of the schools (of fish)? Because if someone would have asked me before this conversation, “Say Nicole, do you have anyone you could hook me up with? Any guys you know who are single, eligible, and love Jesus?” I would have laughed. “Ummm, not so much, sorry”. But now, I realize, my network is ummm, broader than I originally believed.

Additionally, I believe God is showing me that tactics and boundaries I was using in past seasons with the opposite sex are not necessary in this season. That in fact I have been trying to put new wine into old wineskins (Mark 2:22). I know that things tend to be black and white with me, and that will probably never change. But knowing this about myself has helped me to try to be more flexible and bounce ideas off of others who are not so “rigid” in their thinking. So, I’m asking Holy Spirit to show me the new boundaries He has for me for this season in this area of my life. Maybe these new boundaries will bump me into the right schools of fish. Of the male gender of course…

By Nicole D. Miller

Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog Better Than Wine. Her books are published at and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business ( when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.


  1. The World has fashioned us to create an unrealistic ideal of our “dream guy”. Sadly these ideals are mostly physical and status/power based.By taking the Biblical prospective of what a Great Husband is, even what a great man is, we wake up. I know that I sure did.
    There are amazing men out there. What I can see is that God is showing you what is His ideal for His children:-) Enjoy this journey of “awakening”.

    1. Wow! You have no idea how on point you are! Or maybe you do 🙂 God is def AWAKENING me to Him and who I am in Him eternally. This awakening to good men is apart of that. Thank you for hearing Holy Spirit and sharing! And of course for reading 🙂

      1. You are welcome, Praise God!
        God is a wonderful teacher. I am so thankful that He is guiding us. He is continually teaching me and I have been listening. 🙂

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