It became very apparent to me at the start of this journey that God had a will, a desire and a plan for my life and that He wanted me to choose that plan. The very first indication of this was when He asked me to walk away from the love of my life at 22. It was such a difficult decision for me to make that it took a year to make it. I held on as tightly as I could until the Spirit inside me won over and I could no longer deny His bidding. God was saying “No”.
It would not be the first time.
It seemed to me that over and over again when proceeding with plans that seemed good to me and the fulfillment of my desires that seemed equally as good, His response was, “No”. And sometimes “Wait”, which after so many years can feel just like a “No”.
In hindsight I can see the work He was doing in me. Many of my desires were rooted in selfish gain and immaturity while others were not bad in and of themselves they just did not advance the kingdom.
I was called to advance.
This time last year I heard a sermon that spoke directly to my situation. The minister said that God had said “No” so many times that I thought my name was “No”. He said that that was now changing and the doors would now open.
God was changing my name to Yes.
That Word is manifesting in my life. This year I have been flooded with open doors and the desires of my heart being met, even in the midst of the fight of my life. As a result I have needed to change my mindset. I was so used to expecting “no” that I prepared for it. I still do this. But the evidence is there that the season has changed. I must change with it. I must grow into my new name.