God’s will is often challenging. Just when you think you’ve “made it”, there is another obstacle to be overcome. Now I know His word promises that we have in fact, already overcome those obstacles (Phil 1:6). But my emotions tend to think otherwise. They rise and hover over me in such a fashion that I feel small and powerless.
God seems small and powerless.
One of the teachings from our fellowship discusses the “Law of the Observer Effect”. It basically says that we can only focus on one image and as we choose that one image to focus on, the other image in our peripheral fades away. Usually when challenges arise, they take precedence of my view, and the image of God fades in my heart. I realized this last night standing in my kitchen as I cooked and wound down for the evening. I was letting life circumstances overwhelm me. I was letting them become bigger than Elohim. But I struggled back and forth in my mind of the obstacle courses on this journey and my heart was weighed down with grief and pain.
I’m in a season of self-awareness that I hope continues for the rest of my life. So when challenges arise through other people, I want to first search my own heart. Is my response to the situation accurate? Am I receiving lies from the enemy? Do I have false beliefs that are causing me to feel this way?
I want to take responsibility for my own actions. I understand God creates specific circumstances to bring a change in our character.
There must be a reason I am still in this circumstance.
There must be areas of growth left for me. But even that truth does not give me peace and I find the pain leading to tears on my pillow. It is difficult to believe He is with me when He has put me in this situation. When, in some far off way, He is the cause of my pain. “Though He slay me yet I will trust Him”, Job once said.
As I lay in my bed I wondered who was praying for me. Not just praying for me but interceding for me. Intercession is a whole other matter than prayer. Intercession is bearing someone’s burden, standing in the gap and releasing that burden to Jesus. I do that naturally. I do that w/o even thinking. I thought about how many times I have done that. But who is doing that for me? So I put out a request for prayer. And was blessed by those who responded.
And my circumstances have changed slightly. I’m seeing the false beliefs. I’m choosing to walk in truth. But I know I am still being refined.