I just finished reading “The Way Jesus Sees You” a short but powerful e-book written by stellar writer Kristen Strong.
It was beautiful.
The content took aim at my heart and released its truth, stirring up some carefully tucked away issues regarding self identity and value. Clearly Kristen has walked through and is walking through her own battle of expressing and embracing her true self. As is so often the case God is using her to now help others overcome the very area she was weak in.
What I love most about Kristen from what I’ve glimpsed on her blog and read on the glassy screen of my iPod, is she consistently affirms and esteems her daughter. She speaks words of truth and love and has created a world of acceptance for her daughter to freely flourish in. She has laid and is laying the foundation in her daughter of self-worth and high self-esteem. The definition of beauty is being revealed to this little one as not what is socially fashionable or acceptable, but what the Creator of all things has purposed for it to be.
Beauty was created in the Creator.
Since He created us, every single person He created was fashioned in beauty and purpose and therefore is valuable and desirable. Now my head knows that, even my spirit man knows that, but my heart does not always know that. Even though I am no longer the wayward teen searching for love in all the wrong places, settling for any joe shmoe on the street, I am still struggling with believing in my own self-value. It may not be apparent to the naked eye…it wasn’t apparent to me for a long time, but it’s there. Lurking under layers of insecurities and doubt which scream lies about my worth.
I’ve realized there is a disconnect with me receiving and awakening to the Father’s love. I mean ALL of His love. I think I’ve received a portion of it but there is still so much more for me to awaken to. I’ve placed too much emphasis on other people’s opinions of me in my life. Whether they have been friends or foes, I’ve esteemed their view of me to be higher than that of what Christ’s view is. That idolatry has led to a false perception of myself because people’s opinions will always change as they are growing and changing. I’ve allowed these people to determine my mood based on whether or not they call me, or text me, or like my Facebook status.
I’ve allowed other people’s behaviors to be a determining factor on if I am liked.
Or if I am loved.
And even if they do everything right. Even if they speak my love language; shower me with love and affection in the best way I know how to receive it, there is still an ache. And it must be because they cannot possibly meet me in that place of value.
I must find a way to take my fill from Christ’s pool of love. I must find a way to drink so much that I am overcome with a realization of His love and affection for me. Of my value to Him. I must find a way, just as the woman with the issue of blood desperately made her way through the crowd simply to touch the hem of His garment. Because my calling depends on it. And so does this generation.