The last few months of my life have been riddled with sketchy and surprising behavior at best.  That age old wrestle between the flesh and the Spirit continue to combat within me and sometimes it’s a day-by-day…moment-by-moment occurrence.  In the midst of this battle I found my good friend’s blog post on the subject of flattery from male attention on point.  So much so I wanted to re-post.  I hope it challenges you and causes you to grow in this very sensitive yet enticing area as I feel it is doing to me…

Flattered by Attention…Why Do You Want Him?

*This Post was originally written in 2011 by Ms. Mia*
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) – Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
“Hey Beautiful.”
I will never forget the first time I heard that from a man. He complimented me without disrespecting me and I (or should I say my heart) took notice. I was flattered and looked for ways to keep his attention. Eventually my attraction to him fizzled out once I saw the potential for a long-term future together was unlikely. Our personalities simply didn’t click. Years later in a moment of self-reflection, I came to recognize a pattern present in my life. Although this was not always the case, often times my interest in a man came only after he demonstrated interest in me. This is not a bad thing, but when thinking of potential suitors, we women really need to consider why we are attracted to him. For after the “newness” wears off, the success of a future relationship depends on a lot more than the initial attraction. A thorough evaluation of my own heart showed that in these instances, while I felt the men had some good qualities, I was blinded by the butterfly feelings their interest sparked in me and ignored other things that made it clear early on we were not made for one another.
And Ladies, be careful when that happens, for when we’re drawn in by flattery, our hearts get pulled along and before we know it our emotions are ALL UP IN IT! At that point we can no longer view the man and his qualities objectively to see if we really are a good fit for one another. This can potentially set us up for heartbreak later on down the road once we realize our match was not made in Heaven.
Is there a man in your life right now? Consider the following points:
1.)   Am I only interested because he has paid consistent attention to me for some period of time?
      It should take more than consistent attention to win our hearts. Men are hunters by nature and he may only be in it for the chase. Once he has you he may move on to the next challenge.
2.)   Is there a man you like having around simply because he dotes on you?
     All women want to feel loved and desired, but are we willing to accept the attention at the expense of our brothers’ hearts? I hope not. Let’s not be selfish and play games or keep a man around to feed our ego. And while we’re on the topic, don’t be that sister that a brother is keeping around only to feed his ego. Emotional ties lead to physical ties and both cause great heartache when they’re cut.  
3.)   Why do we like that man?
      If our reason for liking him is superficial it will paint a rosier picture of him than actually exists. We could be deceiving ourselves and living in a fantasyland.  Or there could come a point when the attention that we like so much begins to become annoying and we may want him to leave us alone. Build your interest on solid qualities, not on fluff.
         If we don’t approach matters of the heart soberly, we stand the risk of creating a future with a man we were never meant to be with in the first place.  May that never be the case for any of us. Make up in your mind that you are worth the effort of a serious pursuit.  When we recognize our worth and who Christ has made us to be, attention from just any man won’t do. He’ll have to ‘love you in a special way’ as Debarge sang. Apply this thought process and you’ll find yourself upholding a standard that the man for you will meet.
         I made a commitment to myself to pray about not being drawn in merely by a man’s looks or constant attention or to keep one around because I like having “options”/attention. I want there to be something more that causes me to turn my head and take notice. I hope you’ll join me in doing the same. Let’s be women that know our worth and honor our brothers’ hearts as well. At the end of this article you’ll find just a few of the questions I ask myself when considering a potential suitor. Share yours too!
1.)   Does he love the Lord? 
2.)   Is there evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in his life?
3.)   Is he a leader? Can I trust his decision making?
4.)   How does he act around other men? Can he hold his own?
5.)   Am I attracted to him?
For more musings from Ms. Mia feel free to read her blog.  


By Nicole D. Miller

Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog Better Than Wine. Her books are published at nicoledmiller.com and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business (www.abnbookkeepingllc.com) when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.

Leave a Reply