I’m currently sitting in Panera, awaiting the arrival of my soup and salad. The perfect combination for an early fall evening. Although it feels more like winter with the first visitation of snow making its way to Cleveland, Ohio.
So often I write about the past; recent life events that have had an impact on me in some shape or form. But I feel led to write about the NOW. The NOW which consists of fresh, juicy chunks of tomato hitting my tongue, mingling with feta cheese and that special dressing that accompanies greek salads. I dodge the ringlets of purple onion (I always forget to ask to have them removed) and dig into the leaves of greens in my bowl. My tomato soup is staring back at me, inviting me to find warmth in its’ pool of goodness, thick cubes of croutons swimming laps inside. And the piece of bread resting nearby may or may not get eaten tonight. Bread is not my friend and I’ve had to monitor my intake once I received this revelation. I’m in a corner right next to the fire place with my earbuds sharing a rendition of “As Long as You Love Me” from a contestant on The Voice, my new favorite reality show. The song is on repeat because I usually listen to songs on repeat. Songs I really like that is…There was a 15 minute wait for my meal but now that its here it was worth the wait. Besides, I have nowhere to be. Nowhere to go. No one waiting for me at home, wondering about my whereabouts. It’s just me. I can spare 15 minutes. It is only the type A in me that says otherwise.
I’m getting to see myself in a new way in this season. Stripping off the layers of “decorations”; things I’ve used to define myself in previous seasons. I’m getting to see me as “the dancer”. Wearing a leotard never felt so good. Partly because I’ve never looked so good in one before…partly because I’ve never been so free. I’ve probably been dancing off and on for 8 years now and this is the first that I’m realizing that dance is a key part of my identity. I even have a certain “style” of dance probably closely resembling a worshipping-warrior-ballerina…if there is such a thing.
That seems fitting because I could never be JUST a ballerina. I need some fight and toughness to spice things up. Hence my attraction to female heroines such as Katnis Everdeen. The woman is fierce and I’m looking forward to dressing up like her at the premiere of “Catching Fire”. It really wasn’t until my roommate brought up the fact that Katnis went through “hell” that I realized being a warrior means you battle. You get hurt. You get wounded. That part, I’m not so excited about, but I can’t help that I am always drawn to a strong, no nonsense, butt-kicking, female heroine. I think Jesus is too :-).
Most of Panera has cleared out. That’s nice, because it was packed as you may have suspected by the 15 minute wait. The loner, introverted woman sitting in front of the fire place with her head in a book is now joined by several others whom she seems happy to see. The’ve connected two other tables and I assume will keep her company the rest of the night. It’s dark outside now and my bread is half eaten. I took one bite and instantly realized it was fresh from the oven. There was no debating…I’ll have to burn the calories tomorrow.
I may or may not get to the lesson for fellowship I was going to look at tonight. Instead I may end up catching up on blog posts that have been piling up in my email. I like to give writers my full attention so I make sure I set aside time when reading their hearts written online.
I’ll go home tonight, take a shower simply to warm up. Settle in under my down comforter, find something to watch on Hulu or Netflix and unwind by twisting my hair…my nightly ritual that others detest and yet I am still enjoying. Maybe that will wear off in time once being natural is not so exciting…
Hope you’re evening is well.
SHALOM
🙂