Morning Prayer

This morning I woke up and spent time with Jesus. I had to. Because bad memories that I can normally suppress during the day find themselves in my dreams. They surface in my sleep. So I had to go to Jesus. I really wish I was more consistent with meeting Him in the morning. You know, like when I don’t need something. When I just want to spend time with Him. But alas, the most consistency I display in making my way to Our meeting times is, well, when I’m facing something urgent. Something too big for me. Something only He can handle.

So I met Him. And we had tea, and sat together in my papa san chair, in silence. I hoped I was doing this right…this quieting my soul and spending time with Him. I hoped I was right that we are not human-doings but human-beings and Holy Spirit prefers the quiet of my soul over me journaling or reading scripture or praying/worshipping. There is nothing wrong with praying and worshipping but I want to be more sensitive to my motive behind committing these acts. I don’t want to do them to “check them off my list” and feel like a “good Christian”. I want to do them because He is leading me to. And lately He has been leading me to do nothing. To sit and be.

So I sat and was.

I talked to Him about the thing too big for me to handle. The thing I barely write about even in personal journal entries because it is too big for me. I told Him, “Today I need Jesus”. Usually I need the Father, because I’m wired that way. But today I needed Jesus. The person. The human who understood this type of experience I was going through. I felt a little silly asking for Jesus, because, well Jesus and the Father are the same. But He knew what I meant. And He knew what I needed. And He gave it to me. I felt Him. In this intimate way I’ve been feeling Him in this season. In this way I would not have felt Him had I not obeyed. And I let the tears flow. I rested my being into Him and worshipped.

Last night I was talking to a friend about God. She shared the desire to feel Him physically. I too have had that desire. But I can also share that in this season I am more aware of His being and His presence. And I shared with her that I think the spiritual can be even more real than the natural. We are spirit beings and we relate to God spirit-to-spirit. It is in my heart that I sense Him. It is like His hands are wrapped around my heart and they are holding it tightly and I am becoming more aware of His hold. It is comforting and loving and everything I need.

“You are my foundation” I tell Him because I know that is what He is revealing in this season. The idols, the friendships, the relationships, the career advancement, everything I wanted more than Him. Everything I made my foundation at one time. He has removed them so that once again, I put Him first. So that when everything is shaken I am not, because He holds me. Strong and sturdy. In His palm.

SHALOM

By Nicole D. Miller

Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog www.betterthanwine.net. Her books are published at nicoledmiller.com and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business (www.abnbookkeepingllc.com) when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.

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