Last night I found myself at a bible study with a church my fellowship is in relationship with. I had been looking forward to attending all day. I’ve been struggling with purpose and identity and all those types of things that can weigh a 30-something year old down when life doesn’t look the way she thought it would at 30-something. So I was secretly hoping that by joining this group it would help shed some light on this season of my life. Thankfully the Lord did meet me.
The woman who spoke at the bible study shared about God asking us questions, not because He does not know the answer, but because He wants to help us to examine our own hearts. Initially after Adam sinned, God’s question to Adam was “Where are you?”. Similarly God will ask us the same question so that we will see where we are in relation to His plan and His will. Well, I sat there and asked myself, “where am I?”. And I felt pretty good about where I was. I just overcame a really hard test in the midst of being tested in some other areas and I was surrendering each day. At least, that’s what I thought… So then the speaker shared about when God asked Cain “where is your brother?”. And I did a quick inventory of my circle of friends and if I was being “my brother’s keeper” and I felt pretty confident that I was. Even for those who were making it difficult to love, I was practicing loving them.
So then she shared about when God asked Moses, “what is in your hand?”. And her message was that God has given us something, put something in our hands to help others. And that is when I was no longer blind to where I really was, and who my brothers really were that I had NOT been looking after.
I realized that my real brothers were the people I am walking by daily in my occupation. The people I hardly engage in relationship with. The people I have something to give to, that I have not been giving to. As further confirmation that I was hearing Holy Spirit the woman shared about her own experience at her employer these last 7 years. Because she could not openly worship, and read her bible, and preach, instead she ministered through building relationships. She ministered through her smiles. And so I was extremely convicted, because this has been such a weakness of mine. And I repented for wasting these 7 years. I repented because I could see where I really was in relation to His plan for me. I was not nearly in the place that I thought I was in.
I’m realizing the wisdom and blessing we have when we choose to exam ourselves before Him. Our hearts are deceitfully wicked and we can easily be blinded to those areas that we are “missing the mark” in. That is why God asks us questions. That is why He tests us and tries us, to show us what is in our hearts. What are we holding on to more tightly than Him? What are we leaning on that is not Him?
He is surely a jealous God and will have no other god’s before Him.
I see in this season He has “emptied” out my life. There are people that have been removed, activities that have been removed, and He is causing me to move forward in spite of these things. He desires to build new relationships and ministries in this season which will further reveal His purpose for me.
As a nice little side note, I ran a 5k race last weekend called “The Color Run”. Below is a pic of me and my friends…we had a grand time 🙂