I can’t imagine all of the ways I will change in marriage. I can’t imagine the person I will be in that season. God forbid motherhood hits right after we tie the knot. I hate to put God in a box BUT He always seems to give me a “rest period” before a major season of change occurs in my life. Hopefully He sticks to that pattern when it comes time to have a baby…Although I can’t imagine how I will change and the person I will become, I am awakening to the fact that my inexperience in this area will cause me to underestimate marriage, no matter how prepared I feel going into it. I’m currently discovering SOME of the false pre-conceived notions I had about marriage during this season of living with my roommate….
Ex#1: My hubby and I will not always be in the same mood (this was a HUGE revelation for me). And since I am naturally introverted, I require consistent down time (he could be super extroverted which will be an
awful interesting mix). My roommate is more extroverted than I am, however she has her moments of downtime as well. Often I can feel us maneuvering around one another, trying to honor one another’s mood if we sense that we are on 2 different playing fields. Sometimes I’ll bring her over to my side, sometimes vice versa. And there are other times where you just say “hey, now’s not a good time for me, back off” (in a nice Christian way, of course). And really I don’t recall having said this statement out loud. We have been around one another so long that we really don’t need words. But, can you really get away with this in marriage? Can you go to your bedroom (whom you now share with this other person) close the door, and have alone time? Or will they be offended? I guess it varies person to person.
Ex#2: This guy is not going to be just like me. Another HUGE revelation…my roommate is very different from me. It takes a lot for her to share her mind if there is a conflict. It takes me about 5 seconds. She struggles with showing emotion. It’s weird if I don’t cry at least once a day. She’s a multi-tasker who prefers keeping busy and serving others. I’ll put all of my energy into about 2 projects in my life (right now its work, church and working out…ok so maybe 3) and I would rather pray for you than serve you. BUT, we love each other. Not because we’re just alike, but because God gave us to one another. And we’ve put A LOT OF WORK into this friendship as a result.
Ex#3: We need other outlets. So I’m sure there will be this great “honeymoon” period in my marriage (there better be, otherwise what’s the point???) where me and my boo are gonna want to be all up under each other, but once that’s over we will need FRIENDS. One of the reasons (probably the main reason) my roommate and I did NOT want to live together is because we were afraid we would get on each other’s nerves, to the point of ending our friendship (it’s been 3 months and we’ve survived). I think what has helped us adjust to being all up under each other more than usual is having OTHER FRIENDS. For the first month of living together we had overnight guests every weekend. Initially I did struggle with the weirdness of living with her and I told myself “marriage won’t be like this, I’m going to LOVE being with my hubby ALL THE TIME” (there’s still a part of me that believes this crap, BTW). But truly I know deep down, that is a lie. No one wants to be around one person 24-7. God has given us different people in our lives to teach us different things and help grow us in different ways. I get different things from all of my friends, so I’m assuming my hubby will fall into that category…you can’t get all things from just one person…unless His name is Jesus of course.
So, I guess I will be able to test out these statements one day. Until then, I’ll just keep taking notes, observing my roommate, and posting my thoughts online. She doesn’t read this blog anyway…
To my married readers, please feel free to comment and share some preconceived notions you had about marriage! You can also tell me if I’m way off on my assumptions…thanks!!
🙂 My beloved blogging friend, I’ve been married to the same man for 31 1/2 years, and when we first married, there were some things about him that I knew I was going to have to change – lol – I was so naive! My husband and I married before I knew Jesus, and I can honestly say that the one who has changed the most during our marriage is me.
I learned that some of the things I truly love, like going to church, worshiping, reading, and singing at the top of my voice were things that he doesn’t enjoy. And some of the things that he enjoys, like being outside, fishing, and camping were things that I don’t like doing – I’m a houseflower. 😉
I thought marriage would be a snap, because this person would understand all of my feelings and thoughts, but I learned that marriage is hard work, and that it requires putting up with some annoying habits (on both parts). In many areas I’ve discovered that this man is strong in the areas where I am weak (like managing money, keeping things neat and tidy), and I am strong in the areas where he is weak (like being fun and spontaneous, and communication).
I think the Lord placed us together, because separately, we’re both a mess, but together, we balance one another out. And I’ve got to tell you one more thing – we love one another more today than we did 31 1/2 years ago. I can honestly say that as much as I love my friends, my husband is my bff, and I am his bff!
So, I will pray for you the same prayer I prayed for my children until they got married… Father, in Jesus’ mighty name, I pray that you will bless this woman of God with a husband who will love her first and best after YOU. I pray that her husband will be strong where she is weak, and that she will be strong where he is weak, and that you will bless them both with godly children. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.
WOW!!! There are no words which are sufficient enough for me to share how touched I am by your prayer!!! Thanks so much for sharing your story and being a blessing to me! I hope I have a marriage that sustains the challenges of life as yours has! God Bless!!!
The following is a reply a good friend of mine sent me:
In response to your blog “Is Living With Someone Preparation for Marriage?”
I want to start out by saying that I really love your blogs! I really look
forward to reading them, and I’m not just saying that because I love you!
I believe that God puts us in situations to prepare us for the next journey
or season in our lives. I’m sure that living with your roommate will
definitely help prepare you for some things that you will encounter in your
marriage. You will definitely find that being married is a life long
journey of ups and downs, growth, maturing in faith and love that you never
knew before. As you know my husband and I have been married for 12 years
now and have been together for 15 years!! God knows I love my husband
deeply but he can get on my nerves at times, but I know that I can get on
his nerves just as well! Lol!! Thank God we both love the Lord!!
My husband doesn’t have many close friends and really doesn’t talk much
outside of his professional circle of colleagues. He is definitely more
emotional than I am. It’s amazing to see him stand up in front of a group
of people and lead a discussion, seminar, or testimony. I often wonder
where all this comes from?? He likes to have things in order such as
finances, schedules, the future etc..…..pretty much he has a Type A
personality! Me on the other hand, I cherish my friendships and look
forward to girl talk. I hate talking in front of a large group and I like
to entertain when I have the chance. I am more spontaneous and somewhat
carefree. But somehow we just balance each other out.
The great thing is that you already know now that everyone needs there
space at times, and that it’s okay to agree to disagree on some things. My
husband and I are still learning from each other and still working on
communicating on a daily basis. We share common goals and respect each
other. He is my best friend, I know I can count on him and I know that he
was chosen just for me. How do I know? I just know that God sent him to me
for a reason!