I can’t imagine all of the ways I will change in marriage. I can’t imagine the person I will be in that season. God forbid motherhood hits right after we tie the knot. I hate to put God in a box BUT He always seems to give me a “rest period” before a major season of change occurs in my life. Hopefully He sticks to that pattern when it comes time to have a baby…Although I can’t imagine how I will change and the person I will become, I am awakening to the fact that my inexperience in this area will cause me to underestimate marriage, no matter how prepared I feel going into it. I’m currently discovering SOME of the false pre-conceived notions I had about marriage during this season of living with my roommate….
Ex#1: My hubby and I will not always be in the same mood (this was a HUGE revelation for me). And since I am naturally introverted, I require consistent down time (he could be super extroverted which will be an
awful interesting mix). My roommate is more extroverted than I am, however she has her moments of downtime as well. Often I can feel us maneuvering around one another, trying to honor one another’s mood if we sense that we are on 2 different playing fields. Sometimes I’ll bring her over to my side, sometimes vice versa. And there are other times where you just say “hey, now’s not a good time for me, back off” (in a nice Christian way, of course). And really I don’t recall having said this statement out loud. We have been around one another so long that we really don’t need words. But, can you really get away with this in marriage? Can you go to your bedroom (whom you now share with this other person) close the door, and have alone time? Or will they be offended? I guess it varies person to person.
Ex#2: This guy is not going to be just like me. Another HUGE revelation…my roommate is very different from me. It takes a lot for her to share her mind if there is a conflict. It takes me about 5 seconds. She struggles with showing emotion. It’s weird if I don’t cry at least once a day. She’s a multi-tasker who prefers keeping busy and serving others. I’ll put all of my energy into about 2 projects in my life (right now its work, church and working out…ok so maybe 3) and I would rather pray for you than serve you. BUT, we love each other. Not because we’re just alike, but because God gave us to one another. And we’ve put A LOT OF WORK into this friendship as a result.
Ex#3: We need other outlets. So I’m sure there will be this great “honeymoon” period in my marriage (there better be, otherwise what’s the point???) where me and my boo are gonna want to be all up under each other, but once that’s over we will need FRIENDS. One of the reasons (probably the main reason) my roommate and I did NOT want to live together is because we were afraid we would get on each other’s nerves, to the point of ending our friendship (it’s been 3 months and we’ve survived). I think what has helped us adjust to being all up under each other more than usual is having OTHER FRIENDS. For the first month of living together we had overnight guests every weekend. Initially I did struggle with the weirdness of living with her and I told myself “marriage won’t be like this, I’m going to LOVE being with my hubby ALL THE TIME” (there’s still a part of me that believes this crap, BTW). But truly I know deep down, that is a lie. No one wants to be around one person 24-7. God has given us different people in our lives to teach us different things and help grow us in different ways. I get different things from all of my friends, so I’m assuming my hubby will fall into that category…you can’t get all things from just one person…unless His name is Jesus of course.
So, I guess I will be able to test out these statements one day. Until then, I’ll just keep taking notes, observing my roommate, and posting my thoughts online. She doesn’t read this blog anyway…
To my married readers, please feel free to comment and share some preconceived notions you had about marriage! You can also tell me if I’m way off on my assumptions…thanks!!