For the last several months I’ve been battling an attraction to a brother in Christ who I know is not my husband. It’s been ROUGH. How do I know he is not my husband? Cuz God said so. We are His sheep and we know His voice. That is what I have to keep telling myself when I am around him so I don’t flirt or entertain the idea that we could be great together (even though, we could really be great together). I believe he is attracted to me as well, which makes it even harder. The fact that he is a godly man, who loves God more than anything, makes it even harder. But I have to go back to the fact that he is not my husband. God has gone so far to keep us from defrauding one another by making most of our interactions with one another uncomfortable and even offensive at times. It is rare that we are able to carry on a conversation as two normal adults. I know it’s because we are both desiring our spouses and ready for Jesus to get this ball rolling in the marriage department. But God has said “wait”. So, we continue to be awkward around one another, wondering how in the world to be “friends”? Just yesterday I was so grateful for my BFF. She physically sat between us and provided the protection I felt I needed from this attraction. I lifted my heart to God and pleaded for Him to be in the midst of the craziness that was going on in my heart. The problem is, God warned me at the onset that I was going to be tested in this area and that this man was not my husband. Unfortunately, I still entertained the idea, therefore not guarding my heart, and now I am reaping the consequences…distraction, heartache, distraction… The good news is NOTHING is going to happen between us. I know this because we have great community, his heart is surrendered, and mine is almost surrendered. Plus, I believe God has told him I am not his wife and he really wants his wife, and most days I feel like I don’t want to settle and I really want my husband. But what I really want to discuss is how much I’m grateful for my BFF. Twice over the last few days I have felt her protection. I have felt her jealousy over me and how much I mean to her. No matter how much we get on each others nerves and don’t understand one another and can’t relate to one another, we love each other…like sisters. God gave us to one another to do life together. And even though it gets hard, it’s so nice to know that I can rest and hide in this friendship. That even when I want to cry because I did not listen to God and did not guard my heart and I really wish the guy sitting on the other side of her was my husband, I have her, by my side…always by my side. Here’s to friends who have our backs not matter what…and to Jesus for creating them 😀
By Nicole D. Miller
Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog Better Than Wine. Her books are published at nicoledmiller.com and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business (www.abnbookkeepingllc.com) when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.View all of Nicole D. Miller's posts.