Have you ever liked someone so much that you bent over backwards for them? You stretched and stretched yourself, trying to prove your worth and value. Trying to get them to see how amazingly, awesome and perfect you are? And how you can fulfill every idea of a partner they could possibly have?
Been there, done that.
And I know I’m not the only one. I’ve talked to other women who have been dangled on a string of hopes and dreams never to come to fruition, while the one doing the dangling watched with amusement as you danced and twisted yourself into idealized versions of femininity.
To be fair, we have a choice in these types of relationships (or situationships). We choose to be treated a certain way. Even when its less than what we deserve. But still, we make that choice. And why do we make that choice? I think the underlying truth is, we don’t think we can do better.
I remember walking in the movie theater coming from the bathroom, fighting back tears. I was with my mom and I had learned some news about the guy I was seeing. I had learned he was out with someone else. That fact probably wouldn’t have hurt as much if he had not been resistant to taking me out.
Why am I not good enough to be taken on a date? I wondered. I eyed myself in the bathroom mirror, studying my reflection. Was I not pretty enough? Did I not dress well enough? Was I not fun enough?
Why was I not enough?
These are the insecurities I am coming to realize so many women share. We compare ourselves with each other and with society’s standard of beauty. We think we are “too this” and “not enough that”. And then we get involved with others who send us the same message more than likely because of their own insecurities. At least in my situation that was the case.
Thank God I made it out of that situation. It took me a while, but I did. And I was so scared to let it go because I did not think I could do better. In fact, I prepared myself to be alone. I knew how to be alone and that was my comfort zone. Not necessarily my preference but at least it was familiar.
But I didn’t have to be alone. Because as soon as I closed one door (very shortly after) another one opened. And then I learned that there are men who are secure enough in themselves to value a woman. There are men who are mature enough to treat a woman according to her worth. And there are men available who will set the standard for what a real gentleman is.
After having this experience with a real man I know that I will never settle again.
I know that I am worth being treated well.
I know that I am worth the royal treatment.
And so are you.
1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”
Psalm 139:14 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful…”