Can I be honest with you? Because I’d like to. It is my hope that this little blog brings hope and causes people to grow closer to God, but it is also my hope that I am transparent.
When I was 19 years old something or rather, Someone got a hold of me. I was taught about God at a very young age and feel that I had a relationship with Him. Back then it was like God and I were in the same house but He was in the attic and I was in the basement. He was around (somewhere) and I had access to Him but there was still distance. And then something happened. I was away at school and dealing with depression, only I didn’t know I was depressed. A faculty member actually told me I was. That same faculty member told me to join a gospel choir. I didn’t know it but God was speaking through him. In many ways I think that faculty member saved my life. At the very least he introduced me to life. Singing in the gospel choir ignited something in me and it was the perfect outlet for two very great passions I had: God and music. And then something else happened. Someone in the choir announced a weekly Bible Study they were having. I went and my life was never the same. After that God and I were no longer separated by walls and floors. We were standing in the same room, Face to face, talking, like you would a close friend.
And then we were lovers.
And I couldn’t get enough of His love.
Anything He asked me to do I would because He had my heart. I was passionate and zealous and quite verbal about my experience and He put people in my life who shared that passion. We were on fire. That fire lasted and did not go out. Not even through the darkest of storms. And there were storms. There were times the enemy tried to “gut me out” I believe were the prophet’s words. There were times the unthinkable happened over and over again. But still, He kept me standing, and used the hard things to be a testimony.
Life looks different now then I thought it would as that young, zealous, passionate teenager. I’m a planner so I had my life planned out a few different ways. I was going to marry the man who broke my heart. Then I was going to be a missionary and spread the gospel all over the world. Then I was going to climb the corporate ladder and make my way to the top of a Fortune 500 company. But all of those plans failed. Instead His purpose prevailed.
His purpose consisted of several seasons of unemployment, several years of downtime and walking out nearly 12 years of singleness after declining several marriage proposals. His plan included becoming a local author and publishing 2 books, obtaining an MBA in Accounting and simultaneously growing as a business woman and writer.
I realize now as I near the big 3-4 I cannot control my life. I can make choices and I can lay down my choice for His but I do not have control. A long time ago I chose His way, His will, b/c I had seen something I couldn’t resist.
I had seen Love.
Love in its finest fashion. And that love caused me to count it all dung.
I am still counting.
Most days it is a painful counting in this season of waiting but I can’t help but think about those early days and have hope that eventually the reward, whether it be earthly or heavenly, will come.
If you haven’t yet checked out my youtube channel you may be interested in the latest video “Trading Your Dream for God’s”.
AND if you’re in the area…don’t miss this!!!
Thank you for the honesty of this post. “Painful counting-” that is how I feel now, but I know someday there will be a reward-here, or in eternity.
I also love your line about “painful counting”. It is part of the reality of life… but God promises that one day we will experience a freedom where there is no more pain. What a glorious promise and hope to cling to!