I had one of those “single” moments the other day. You know the kind…well maybe you don’t. But the kind that causes the desire for a mate to overwhelm you so much so that in that moment your heart is overshadowed with pain. All of a sudden I longed for a man’s arms to be wrapped around me and in my search for those arms in my queen-sized bed, I came up empty. I did however experience those arms on two different occasions from friendly male associates (not in my bed of course!). And as I was embraced, I wished they would hold on just a little bit longer…squeeze just a little bit tighter…but the embraces were too brief for my liking and just a reminder that I was not a part of a pair.
I’ve read about singles in the body of Christ who miss out on the blessing of physical touch. One man shared that his friend looks forward to his weekly hair cuts because it is the only time he experiences the touch of a woman. She brushes his neck with her fingers and lays her hand on his shoulder upon completion of her masterpiece, having no idea she was the highlight of his week.
That broke my heart.
I don’t consider myself huge on physical touch. I’m guaranteed a hug on Sundays after fellowship and I have a few friends who are prone to cuddling so I feel like overall I get my fix. (Of course, it’s probably not cool for single men to cuddle together so I understand how a man could have more of a challenge with getting this desire met…) But maybe those fixes I get aren’t enough, and I’ve just been suppressing that desire because I know that it can’t be met in this season. Maybe it rose to the surface unexpectedly to show me my heart.
I’m learning how suppression can be a deceitful alternative to true submission.
There are many in my circle who have suppressed sexual desires and the desire to be intimate with a man. They did so thinking they were being “good Christians”. They didn’t understand that suppressing a desire does not make it go away and that in doing so they were exerting their own control over themselves instead of giving Christ control over that area of their lives. As a result those desires are now unleashed and they’ve found themselves immersed in the deep waters of temptation and sin. I know from experience only Christ can be the Lifeguard skilled enough to save one from those waters.
So as I lay there I cried out to the Lord, knowing He hears, and knows, and understands. Also knowing that His understanding will not cause a man to appear out of thin air and wrap his arms around me. I was and am surrendered to walking this thing out with Christ. Even when it hurts. Maybe that is why He chose to meet that desire, just differently than I expected. That evening I found myself in the arms of four different men, dancing the night away to the sweet sounds of Latin music. I was twirled, and led across the dance floor by strong, steady arms who showed me the ins and outs of the Merengue. I was so good at faking how to Salsa my partners did not believe I had never taken lessons 🙂 I made it home in the early morning feeling refreshed and blessed. This was abundant life. This was the life Christ had died for me to have. It is bittersweet this walk with Him, but He is there every step of the way. He is the best dance partner a girl could have. Always strong, always steady, always faithful.
My friends and I about to hit the dance floor…