Humility

Lately I’ve been noticing pride rearing its’ ugly head in the secret compartments of my heart.  On the one hand I’m grateful to the Holy Spirit for convicting me and showing me areas I have pride in, on the other hand…I’d just rather it not be there at all.  But even making that last statement is a result of pride…pride in a different form called “self righteousness”.  Because in truth, I’d rather not have any flaws, such as pride.  That way I don’t have to depend on the Holy Spirit to convict me, sanctify me and lead me to repentance (not necessarily all in that order).  The area of my life that is revealing pride right now is my career.  Upon completing my MBA, I fully expected a promotion to just fall in my lap.  Promotion in the form of job position, salary and responsibility.  I fully expected “the job” to appear at my current employer and be sent from heaven.  I would see the job posting, the heavens would open and I would hear a voice from the sky say “HERE NICOLE, THIS IS YOURS!!”  I’m the type of person that always needs a challenge and figured since God made me, He knew this about me, and would cater to this quality in my personality.  What I failed to realize is that God does not cater to anyone, HE is God, after all… Instead, He saw fit to do some more work to my character in the form of one of His favorite tools in His toolbox…WAITING.  “Really God?!?  I have to wait AGAIN???”.  Once I saw the pride, arrogance and oh, this hurts…ENTITLEMENT that was emerging in my heart, I realized the need to wait.  From day one God has had control over my career.  All of the jobs and positions I have had since walking with Him have been ordained by Him.  Anywhere that He places me is not just a JOB, it’s a MINISTRY.  I’ve known this from the beginning.  Yet somewhere along the way, I lost my way.  I let “self” influence me and selfish ambition began manifesting.  Now that I’ve yielded and surrendered my desire to do my own thing, I feel better about staying in my current position.  But, it’s still a sacrifice.  Often I feel overqualified and under-challenged.  I have to remember that Jesus was God of all and yet His occupation was that of a carpenter.  David was just a shepherd and ended up being King.  Paul made tents for a living and Joseph, well that story was just simply amazing.  God exalts the humble and resists the proud.  Pride can not occupy our hearts if He is to elevate us.  One thing I am grateful for is that He gets the final say in my life.  Man has tried several times to promote me and yet Christ will not allow it.  When He presents what He has for me He will get all of the glory.  Until then, I need to complete the real job He’s given me…sowing His seeds.  Who knows, I may just get to see the harvest my spirit man has been waiting for.  That will truly make all the waiting worth it.